No couple is expecting to break up when they enter a relationship. But when it happens, things can get messy and painful depending on the situation. Some are lucky enough to be in a situation where both parties agree the relationship is beyond repair. Still, the process can be stressful and tedious, especially for married couples getting a divorce.
On a positive note, separation can have unexpected benefits. For one, you can have a chance to relax from the numerous responsibilities when you’re still married. You get your freedom, realize your dreams and desires, and get your happiness back. To help you process a separation healthily and peacefully, we’ve listed some useful tips that you can follow.
1. Commit to letting go
When married couples get divorced, they find it difficult to truly let go and reach mutual understanding. The bigger challenge is that these things come with a mixture of negative emotions and feelings like anger or failure. According to couple therapists, the worst divorces do not end.
Instead of remaining stuck in the situation and starting the blame game, focus on your healing process and forgiveness. This way, you can recover much faster and have a deeper understanding of the situation. Letting go of the blame can help you reach compassion and build a meaningful post-divorce relationship.
2. Think about your finances
Next, think about your financial goals. Stay honest and clear about your financial situation. Determine your current finances, from your debts to your assets. Ignoring such details can cause more stress, so be sure to avoid financial trickery. Do not attempt to secretly move funds to your personal account or hide assets. List your balances accurately. If you have kids, planning your financial future is even more crucial.
Determine if you can pay spousal support or still pay for your living expenses now that the household income will be separated. If you have debts as a married couple, decide whether to pay them off completely or continue paying them off jointly. You can seek the help of a financial expert or a divorce consultant for this.
3. Get yourself a lawyer
Legal counsel and advice are very much crucial in the divorce process. If you don’t have a family law lawyer, find your own that suits the situation. For instance, if you’re part of the LGBTQ+ community and are legally married, find an experienced gay and lesbian divorce attorney. Hiring a lawyer specializing in your setup will give you peace of mind that your interests will be protected, and the case will be approached with sensitivity.
Besides that type of relationship that you have, consider the problem between you and your spouse. If you’re married to a person who’s an abuser or has substance use issues, you may need to take a more aggressive court approach with the help of a family law litigator. Ask around your relatives, friends, or coworkers if they know a particular lawyer who can help you. Do your research as well before making a choice.
4. Find a therapist or divorce coach
As you know, divorce can take a toll on your emotional or mental health. Some cases even impact a person’s physical well-being. Also, you need to remember that it’s not only your future that will get affected, but also your children’ You need someone who can guide you in working through these difficult times.
Unfortunately, the support from your family and friends isn’t always enough. Seek the help of a reliable therapist or divorce coach. They can help you be stronger and kinder to yourself since they know exactly what you’re experiencing. They can give you a clear view of the future and help you recover fast. And the best part? They can guide you towards learning healthy co-parenting.
5. Treat it like a business
Lastly, remember that once you decide to get a divorce, everything’s business now. It’s just like you’re starting a lawsuit to terminate your marriage contract. This is a legal proceeding, and you need to navigate all aspects like a business owner. Focus on how you can legally divide your parental responsibilities and marital assets. At the same time, you have to consider the divorce laws in the state you’re in. Then, you need to deal with the settlement negotiations with dignity and grace.
Separation doesn’t always need to come with long-term pain and suffering. You can process it healthily and expect a positive outcome. Married or not, this phase in your life is a chance for personal growth. Take the opportunity to rediscover your goals and dreams and focus on your children if you have one.